akatsuki gone feline!
by akatsuki-kitten1
Summary: All kittens are cuddly, nice, and sweet, right? WRONG, if your talking about ten s-rank criminals gone feline! Yes, i know that the summary is bad!
1. A bad way to wake up

A flurry of noises seeped their way into Deidara's barely conscious mind.

He tried to cover his ears with his paws to block out the noise… wait, WHAT?

Deidara was instantly awake as he shot his eyes open.

He slowly took in his immediate surroundings; a giant cage and nine unconscious kittens that looked strangely familiar were surrounding him.

He finally looked down at himself, and he screamed.

Well, you couldn't exactly call it a scream. It was more like a high-pitched wail.

What he saw was this; a tiny body, a bright yellow, fluffy coat, four paws (the front two had itty bitty mouths on them, of course, but really, what good are those if there is no clay around?), and, if he looked down his nose, WHISKERS!

It was only after he had done this that he looked up to see what had caused him to wake up.

He looked around more carefully, and there were multiple cages surrounding them that were identical to the one that he was in, and they all had CATS in them!

Nearly all of them were meowing their heads off.

Some stirring behind him made him spin his cute little head around to see a blue kitten with exceptionably sharp teeth and three little gill-like markings on either side of his face stand up, yawning so cutely that it made Deidara want to squeal like a little girl.

Until, of course, the other started looking a bit familiar…

Deidara's eyes widened as he recognized it.

"Kisame!" he screamed, making the blue kitten whip his head around wildly, confusion sweeping across the unusually tiny eyes.

"WHERE THE F*** ARE WE!" screamed Kisame kitty.

His shriek made almost all of the other kittens around them, all but one pitch-black one which Deidara expected to be Itachi, spring up, their already fluffy fur standing on end.

Deidara looked wide-eyed at all of them, and began to recognize his team mates: the blue one, Kisame, the red one, Sasori, the purplish one, Konan, the orange and black swirled one, Tobi, the orange with black spots one, Pein, the silver one, Hidan, the black one with almost invisible brown markings that looked strangely like stitches, Kakuzu, the black one, Itachi, and the grey one with half of its face white and the other half black, Zestu.

"HOLY M***** F****** B****! WHAT THE F*** HAPPENED TO ME?" squealed the silver kitten.

Just then, out of nowhere, a fluffy, black paw slapped across Hidan's face so hard, it sent the tiny kitten flying.

Everyone turned to look at the Itachi kitten that had been asleep only a few seconds earlier.

To you and me, he may have looked cuddly and furry, yet, in reality, he was anything but.

To the others, he was angrier looking than the way Kisame looked when his fish had been 'accidently' sacrificed to Jashine by everyone's favorite, and only known, immortal akatsuki Jashinest.

And that's saying something!

"HIDAN YOU B*******! WHAT DID YOU DO NOW!" screeched Itachi.

The Hidan kitten looked back at the enraged kitten, and shrunk into the cage's corner, stuttering "N-n-noth-thing!"

Unfortunately, Itachi didn't believe the silver kittens story, since, in the past, Hidan had been responsible for nearly every single bad thing that had ever happened in the Akatsuki.

The others watched in silence as Itachi wiped out his pint-sized sharingan and sent Hidan into a world of pain that made him collapse onto the floor and appear to have spasms.

As the spasms stopped, all of the other kittens in the cage realized what was going on. White Zetsu's first reaction was to see if Black Zetsu was there.

You can imagine how funny the little kitten looked, running around in panicked circles, with his black half yelling "**You IDIOT! What are you doing? You're going to make us sick!"**

Kisame sat there, shocked, wondering how he could be both a shark (aka just a giant FISH!) and also be a water fearing, fish EATING cat.

_Is this how Zetsu feels?_ He began to wonder.

Kakuzu was shaking, his head towering over all of the other kittens, and screaming like a frightened little school girl, probably because he had no money pouch on his little furry body. (Snicker)

Deidara was sitting, huddled up in a corner, wondering how this had happened.

Tobi was just prancing around singing "I'm a pretty kitty, yes I AM! I'm such a pretty little bitty kitty, yes I am, la lala!"

…OOOOOOOf course.

All of the others were just standing there, trying to wake up from this horrible, fluffy nightmare.

It was after this had gone on for about half an hour when a woman came into the room that they were in.

From the little kittens' point of view, she looked like she was a one hundred feet tall ninja, when she was about five foot eight ninja in a vet coat in reality.

The lady came in looked around the room for a moment, then called to someone behind the door, "Okay, here are the new kittens. You're going to love them!"

She opened the door a little wider, and a woman and a man walked in, accompanied by a little girl that couldn't have been more than ten and had blond pigtails who was bouncing with excitement.

She ran over to the cage where the akatsuki were, and squealed with delight as she saw the ten strange little kittens in the cage.

"Mommy, Mommy! I want these kittens! Can I please have them? You said that I could have a kitten! And it's only nine more than you said!" she yelled.

"No, Kohaka, you may only pick out one kitten," the woman said, looking tired, yet happy.

The little girl pouted for a moment, looked at the kittens that, by this point, were huddled up in the corner, trying to keep away from the insane, giant girl who looked ever so slightly insane.

The little girl looked over them for about two minutes, and then reached down and, faster than he could react, plucked Kakuzu out of the furry pile **(A/N: of DOOM!)** and held him up for her parents to look at.

"I want this one!" she screamed happily.

"Okay, honey. If you want it," said the man.

Kakuzu, meanwhile, was trying to resist the urge to shred the girls face with his tiny new claws.

Hidan stopped himself just in time before he insulted Kakuzu, since that would have made him even angrier and even the moron wasn't THAT stupid…

"Please put me DOWN!" Kakuzu growled, but, to his surprise, in fact, to all of the akatsuki's surprise, the girl just squealed "Aw! Listen to his little meow! I'm going to name him Kiki, and we'll be best friends forever!"

It then became apparent to all of the kittens in that cage that they could understand what the people were saying, but the people only heard meows when the kittens tried to speak.

Pein used this knowledge to safely yell to Kakuzu right before he disappeared behind the door "Meet us back here as soon as you can! If not all of us are there, yet, stay there until we all show up!"

Then, as far as they knew, the rest of the akatsuki listened to Kakuzu yell "Got it!" for the last time.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**So how do you guess like my story so far?**

**I know that I'm not very good at writing, but I'm trying to get better on it.**

**So please review so that I can make my writing better, but please don't make really mean comments…**

**Lol! ^.^**


	2. Both great, and not so great homes

Over the next few hours, people came in and out of the cat room, taking cats from a variety of cages.

The update was this: the only akatsuki kittens left were Deidara, Sasori, Pein, and Konan.

After nobody had come into the room for quite some time, the ninja lady came with two buckets.

She went around to each cage and placed one thing from each of the buckets into each cage.

When she finally came to the akatsuki's cage, she reached into the first bucket and pulled out two small two-sided bowls, each of them containing pellets that must have been food and water.

She then reached into the other bucket and pulled out a blanket.

She placed these items into the cage where the kittens were being held, making sure to give each of the kittens a pat on the head.

The four kittens only put up with this since they knew, from watching the other cats, that any signs of aggression would make it harder for them to get adopted.

After she had gone to all of the cages, she turned off the light and left the room.

The akatsuki could see in the dark, since they were cats, and Pein and Konan went to one bowl, and Sasori and Deidara went to the other bowl.

After they had all eaten and drank all that they wanted, they settled down onto the bundled up blanket.

Each of them slowly drifted off to sleep, continually thinking to themselves '_I'm an S-rank criminal, and if I can stand having my arm ripped off, I can stand this.'_

**HIDAN**

"YAAAAHOOOO!" cheered Hidan as he raced around the track once more, strapped onto the top of a toy racecar.

Man, he loved this kid!

When Hidan saw him walk through the door of the cat room at the pound, he knew that the kid was the only kid in the world that he knew of that he would not sacrifice to joshine.

Mainly because his first words when he stepped in the door were "Oi! Is this where the f***ing Kittens are?"

Another reason was because he was wearing a joshin diagram bracelet.

Of course, one of the biggest factors was the boy's totally H-O-T older sister!

Hidan was only sad that, at the first chance, he was gonna have to make a break for it.

Or else Pein would use Hidan's little silver fur coat as decoration in his room.

He soon forgot about his worries when the hottest b**** within a billion miles walked in.

Better yet, she was in only a TOWEL, since she had just gotten out of the shower, and had been heading to her room.

"You'd better treat Jash better! Otherwise I'll tell Mom and Dad!" she yelled.

"Joshin, I could hear his yowls all the way down the hall! You know what, no. I'm going to keep him in my room tonight, or at least until mom and dad get back with a refill of your medication."

Jash, aka Hidan, had a smug grin on his face as the toweled, 20-year-old hottie took him to her room.

_Alriiiiggghhhttt…!_ thought Hidan.

Then he realized something; _man, I'm such a perv!_

_Oh well._

**Zetsu**

Zetsu wanted to die.

Well, at least his black half did.

Strangely enough, the white half was enjoying being put into a little tutu and given a tour of the house by a little eleven year old girl.

As she showed him her older sister's room and told him never to go in there for the ninth time, half of Zetsu wanted to use mayfly to sink into the floor, while the other half wanted to see the backyard's garden again.

And, of course, the two couldn't sink into the ground, since they didn't have their giant Venus flytrap thingy to control their chakra with.

But they COULD see the back yard garden again, and this pleased white Zetsu.

"Come on, Naoki! I wanna show you my favorite flower!" exclaimed the girl, named Sayuri

"Mower!" squeaked Zetsu, which translated to "Yaaaaaay!"

Then he squealed "Mrrrr…" which meant "No, not again!"

**Kakuzu**

It hadn't taken long for Kakuzu to find an opening to get out.

Unfortunately, that option required going to the vet.

Kakuzu always had a fear of needles, and that's why he still doesn't use them to stitch Hidan back together.

He also liked his tiny body just the way it was just fine, with all, ALL, parts of him intact!

So, that opening was out of the question.

After the mention of the vet came up on the way back to the girl's house, Kakuzu had put together a daring plan for when they got to the house.

Once they got there…

He hid under the nearest thing that he could, the couch.

By night, the people still couldn't get him out.

_This totally stinks!_

**Tobi**

"Meow?" squeaked Tobi, the meow translating into 'more tea, madam?'

"Why thank you, monsieur Lolli (lolli was what the girl had named Tobi,) I would love another cooking," said Mimi, the little girl who had taken Tobi home.

There is no need to elaborate things, so I'll make it short.

Tobi had no intention of leaving anytime soon, but Madara did.

Imagine what THAT must have felt like, poor Tobi trying to keep Madara from coming out and murdering the child's entire family.

Yeesh.

**Deidara's POV**

Deidara now officially hated cat carriers

Especially if you have to stay in one along with Sasori.

And also if the lady who woke him from a sound sleep to put him in this stuffy container with this fool who doesn't understand art keeps on going on about how it's her daughter's going to LOVE you as a birthday present and how you don't have to worry because she's SO responsible.

Oh, and that she would be sure that her brother would treat the one of us that he got well.

That last part freaked Deidara out just a little bit.

I mean, what if he died in some horrible incident before he could escape?

He knew that it was selfish, but he sure hoped that Sasori would be the one chosen by the boy…

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**So, I hope that you don't mind that I didn't include any other character's situations, but you can rest assured that Pein and Konan are still in the boring pound, at least for now.**

**And Sasori is thinking the EXACT same thing as Deidara, only hoping that Dei would get chosen by the brother.**

**Hope you like it!**

**Oh, and I will put any of the first four or five characters into the story if they ask in a review or a PM.**

**Lol! ^.^**


	3. cats, students, creepers, and obsessives

**ITACHI**

Hatred was all that he could feel at the moment.

Pure hatred for this little boy who had taken him home on the same day that Hidan and Kisame were taken.

At the moment Itachi was in a pink, frilly, girly dress that the little boy had put on him.

He was supposed to be at a "tea party" with him and his friends, both girls and boys, but instead he was hiding out in a place that he would have avoided at all costs if he had any other choices: in the stuffed animals.

The fuzzy, curly, staring creatures were pressed in on either side of him; their fur seeming to try and suffocate him, their eyes looking at him with, through his slight panic, Itachi thought was pure malice.

Itachi had had a huge fear of stuffed animals, ever since that day, so long ago, back at his clan…

Itachi shuddered, his mind snapping back to reality when a little girl picked him up from the pile of animals from which Itachi had been motionlessly sitting in.

"Aw, look at this stuffed animal, Hiruku! He looks just like a real kitty in a dress." Squealed the little girl.

_Man, these kids are such air-headed jerks!_ Thought the black little kitten, staying as still as possible, not even breathing or blinking, as the little girl gave him a bone crushing hug.

At this, point, he would do all that he could to stay away from the annoying little boy that was now his master.

But, alas, he had no luck, since it turns out that the boy that she called over, Hiruku, was the boy.

Itachi sighed inwardly, wishing that he could just turn back into a human and murder this boy and his little idiotic groupies.

**KISAME**

When Kisame had been picked up by the guy with white hair and purple eyes, Kisame had been sure that this would be a living nightmare for him, since the kid looked like he was right at that age where he paid no attention to any living thing accept for girls.

At least, until Kisame saw the kid's sharp teeth.

That was when realization had struck; this kid was his previous student, Suigetsu!

He also realized that this was going to be more than hell; it was going to be pure torture if the guy had any grudges on him, which he more than likely did.

Realization crept into Suigetsu's eyes too, when he saw how the blue, spiky furred kitten glared at him.

He would know that glare anywhere, even on this kitten.

This cat was his former sensei!

Kisame watched as an evil grin appeared on Suigetsu's face, and the kid said "I want this one," to the girl who was working at the pound that day.

And now Kisame, poor, poor Kisame, was in a house far from any village that had walls covered in, of all things, anbu masks and fish hooks.

"So, Kisame-sensei, you're a cat now, huh?" Suigetsu questioned as he paced back and forth in front of the wary kitten.

"Well, that's kind of ironic now, isn't it? But don't worry, I will not kill you. In fact, I want to help you."

**SASORI**

How the hell could this all have happened…?

Why had Deidara ended up with the caring girl and him with the insane boy?

It probably had to do with the fact that when the girl had first come in, Deidara had mewled and sprinted up to her with big, cute eyes, and rubbed against her leg.

She hadn't even looked at Sasori, but had immediately picked up Deidara and rushed him out of the room, squealing "My own little kitty! You're all mine!"

This left Sasori in the room, looking up at a black haired, pale faced boy whose black eyes were twitching, not to mention that he had on a creepy smile.

You know, the kind of creepy smile Hidan gets whenever he has just plunged his spear into his own heart, therefore killing whoever he had "cursed."

That's how f****** creepy it was.

The boy reached down and picked up Sasori with super human speed.

"Hey, kitty, how are you doing?" the boy asked in a scary voice, making Sasori start to shiver from terror.

This kid was seriously freaking the kitten out.

Then, in a poof of smoke, they were in what must have been the kid's room, judging from how demented it looked.

All over the walls were things ranging from wanted posters of the akatsuki to anbu masks that you could hardly tell were homemade, most of them some of the weirdest things that Sasori had ever seen.

The wallpaper was the color of blood, the bed sheets were the color of ash, the carpet was pitch black, and the furniture was all a kind of weird green color that reminded Sasori of the color of Zetsu's Venus flytrap thingy.

What the kid said next surprised him.

"I'm going to call you Saso, since you look just how I had imagined Sasori from the akatsuki would look like if he were a cat…" said the weird kid, putting "Saso" down, allowing him to explore the room.

Sasori almost immediately noticed a desk in the corner of the room, and headed straight for it, hoping to find homework, or something even remotely normal.

What he found was anything but.

Drawing of strange and scary creatures that Sasori couldn't even begin to describe were scattered all over the desk, along with amazing ceramic sculptures of some of the animals and small puppet things that looked strangely like people.

Just then, one of the puppets that looked like a glaring woman with red eyes, a black dress, and blue curly hair flew up and picked up Sasori, flying him to the bed and dropped him.

He looked up, crouched down, shaking with fright, at the boy, and noticed that his eyes had changed color; they were now emerald green.

"Now, now, Saso. We don't like it when nosy little animals try to touch our stuff… so be a good kitten, and stay away from my art, got it?" the kid asked in a weird voice that was somewhat different from what he had sounded like before.

Not only that, but he now had chakra strings on his fingers, which were attached to the girl doll, which was now sitting at the edge of the bed, still looking, or more precisely, GLARING at Sasori.

The boy was a puppet master AND had MPD (1), eh?

Maybe this would not be nearly as horrible as he had first thought…

**DEIDARA**

Deidara was being pampered.

This girl, whose name was Miko, had premade him a little bed thing before he had even got to the house.

It was in a special corner of her strangely calming room, with soft, fluffy blankets, big, fluffed-up pillows, and a little canopy that was made out of some kind of silk that caught the light and gleamed.

She had just brought him a big bowl of salmon, and some cream, which, in his new feline body, tasted like the best thing in the world.

The only thing that annoyed him was how she was constantly around him.

Even though they had only known each other for about five minutes, she was still getting kind of annoying.

But, at the same time, he couldn't help but feel drawn to the pretty girl in front of him.

Her brown eyes and curly hair matched perfectly, and she had a smile that could overload a power circuit if you plugged her into one.

After another half hour of this pampering, Miko looked at the clock and said with a smile "Well, its 10:55, time for bed. Where do you want to sleep, little Matsu? On my bed or do you want to stay on your little bed?"

I snuggled down into my little shrine of pillows and mewed "I'll just stay here for tonight," but all that Miko saw and heard was a kitten burying itself in pillows and blankets, and then purring.

Miko simply smiled, closed the door, changed into pajamas (Deidara, being the pervert that he is, watching the whole time though Miko's back was turned to him,), turned off the light, and went to bed.

"Goodnight, my little pine…" she murmured as they both drifted off into sleep.

"I love you…"

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**So, how do you guys like it so far? I have kind of been getting writer's block, so I need you guys to make a few suggestions on how each of them escape, except for Deidara, because I already have something planned for him…**

***looks down at blond kitten sleeping in a pile with other odd kittens* …heheheh…**


End file.
